And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
