My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
