Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
