Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
