Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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