so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
