At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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