you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
