Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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