allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize