And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize