How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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