I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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