I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
