Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
