I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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