Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
