If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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