I could make wine with my vomit
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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