I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
