He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
