Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
