Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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