we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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