Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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