Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
