Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
