She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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