wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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