I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
