I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize