I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
