I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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