Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize