I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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