so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
