I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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