I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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