i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
