His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
