video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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