I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you still have your period?
I want to make a zoo with you.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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