Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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