cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
