just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
