Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
