physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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