New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
