i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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