TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
