so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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