a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
