I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
