I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
