I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
