i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
