I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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