You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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