If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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