Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
