nut hugger
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize