You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
