I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I smell like Dick and happiness
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