I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
