I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
