Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
